Let freaking go!

“When we resist change, it’s called suffering. But when we can completely let go and not struggle against it, when we can embrace the groundlessness of our situation and relax into its dynamic quality, that’s called enlightenment.”  -Pema Chodro

Can anyone else relate to the nightmare that COVID has created for a control freak?  There are people in my house all hours of everyday messing things up, dirtying dishes, accidently smearing modeling clay into the office carpet, and definitely not completing their school work(according to the daily school app reminder).  Some of you will not be able to understand this and I partially envy you however maybe some of you will because you are also fueled and function well by the order you create in your life. 

There’s so much that I have learned in the last six months and so I decided to list some out with the intention to help some of my “relators”.  Below are some tips that have helped me be a better human during this time:

The First 4 minutes—This little trick was recommended by my life and accountability coach.  She told me to TRY to spend the first four minutes of every conversation with love.  This means no matter how bad you want to pull your hair from your head  when you enter the house, wondering what circus performed there today, you just don’t.  Instead you take a deep breath and intentionally spend the first four minutes with love and compassion and then go ahead and address the elephant stampede.  There’s so many reasons I love this but one of them that stands out to me is something I heard on the Oprah show—a child remembers how you make them feel every time you see them or are reacquainted with them.  This is so powerful and HAS to apply to adults, too.  What impression do you want to bestow on your most favorite people?

 

Be Curious—there are good days and bad days for me.  I have begun to get very curious about what days are better than others and what particularly throws me off the deep end more than other things.  Becoming curious has allowed me to understand what my triggers are and how I can set myself up for success(or at least prevent myself from not practicing “the first 4 minutes”). 

 

Disconnect to connect—It’s so easy to escape the chaos by retreating to my screen, scrolling through all the Pinterest worthy lifestyle posts and catching up on how Mr. & Mrs. Smith seem to be running their household.  This is never a good solution on so many levels.  1. No one ever posts the “dirty” stuff so you end up feeling more miserable about your lack of control and time to do all the fun stuff everyone else is doing.  2. You waste so much time that could instead could be used to build or rebuild solid connections within your own four walls.  I’m no angel to this but I continue to work on putting my phone away in the evening hours and trying to truly connect with my family.

 

Breathe—It’s that freaking simple!  Discovering my breath and learning how to use it in times of stress has been a game changer.  I have made deep breathing a part of my morning meditation practice and routinely “pause” throughout the day to find my breath now.  This is still a work in progress for me but after several deep breaths, whatever felt really heavy in the moment often times feels much lighter. 

 

Move your body—  I implement a morning practice of 40 minutes of ANY kind of movement.  I do this just before my meditation practice.  On the days that I know I’ll need more strength, I lift weights.  On the days when I have a ton of anxious energy, I sweat it out with a run or long bike ride.  On the days that I don’t feel like doing any kind of movement, I walk, stretch or practice yoga.  I don’t overthink it—I just move!

 

Lastly, but certainly not least, Let freaking go—this is the hardest of all but boy, it has to be done.  I often recite the phrase “homes are made to be lived in”.  I don’t know about you but no amount of order could replace how much I love my #crazybeauitfullife, even in the face of a pandemic.