Covid Frame of Mind

Constant state of tired.  Trying to live in the present yet patiently awaiting a brighter future.  Feeling optimistic and hopeless all at once.  Celebrating small victories only to meet a new obstacle.  Overcoming challenges proving  that we are capable and feeling defeated at the same time.  Constantly portraying strength and secretly feeling terrified of what comes next.  Demonstrating courage for your children and going to bed at night scared.  Reminding yourself that “you’ve got this” in one breath and nurturing a break down in the next.  Fear of not doing or being enough to and for your friends, family, employer, and community yet wanting to do more. Embarrassment of expressing your feelings for fear that your suffering isn’t comparable to others.  Nothing is normal right now but was it before?  Three coffees a day, trying so hard to please everyone else by overdoing.  Fake optimism to convince ourselves that we are happy with the fancy things that don’t serve us spiritually.  Reaching for booze, food, 10 hour work days and the next item to check off a to-do list to fill an empty hole that we haven’t sat with alone, long enough to understand.  Why?  Because it’s too uncomfortable. 5,000 followers with no meaningful connection.  Overstimulated, burnt out,  binging, blacked out, starving, guilty, scared, broken. 

As we forge ahead to rebuild our lives, we have the opportunity to create a new normal, a less hurried life with brighter, wider eyes, more compassion hearts, honest voices, hearing ears and genuine love for one another.  Imagine what the world could be.