Loosening the Grip
Oh Man am I a control freak! Don’t believe me? Ask my husband, my son, my sons father, my mother and the many colleagues and mentors in my life. I have had it in my head for a long time that if I can control the every little thing that happens(kind of like OCD of life), there’s no unexpected and everything will be just the way I think and my vision board will come to fruition and we shall all live happily every after. Wrong, wrong, soooo wrong! Especially when it comes to parenting and dare I say CO-parenting. [Let me just insert here before I go any further that Aaden’s dad and I have come to an amazing relationship in our co-parenting and without a doubt, Aaden has what he needs anytime he needs it.] That being said, it’s out of my control what he consumes during the time he is with his dad and how the act of simply going back and forth from one home to another will effect his Monday morning at school(this used to keep me up at night). While I have spent a lot of time and precious energy trying to control these things, I have come to realize that it’s really just sucking the life out of me. My son is happy, healthy and has an amazingly loving relationship with his father. Plus, none of us turned out so bad from a few McDonald’s Happy Meals here and there!
In very close relation to my control freakism, I’m also a recovering perfectionist who has to work at this every single day. I have a certain way that I believe things should play out every day and when the unexpected happens, I have a hard time coping in healthy ways. I mean, I LOVE vision boarding and planning my future, crushing goals and making dreams come true. I believe that most anything is possible with the right amount of courage, enthusiasm, drive and knowledge! This type of thinking and drive I posses is such a great thing for me but there’s a fine line that I sometimes tread between living a good life and striving too hard for a perfect one. Life is Good(Thank you Bert and John Jacobs for your coined term and spread) and Life is also really freaking HARD! I am truly blessed and I practice gratitude daily for all the good I have in my life. That being said, I can acknowledge that life is hard; parenting is an Olympic event, marriage is not for sissies, families are demanding, friendships are worth investing in, and managing all that and a full-time job(which most of us do today in order to afford life) certainly takes an amazing amount of superpowers!
Imagine that you're taking a four hour trip to visit your family and it just so happens that you're driving directing into a zero visibility snow storm, causing you to white knuckle the steering wheel the entire way. By the time you get to your destination, your head hurts, your entire body is exhausted, your brain feels like it's been squeezed, your eyes are bloodshot, and the thought of even carrying on a conversation feels like the kind of job that is on the very bottom of the to-do list. Life is too precious, time with our family is too valuable, and being truly present in our conversations is far to worth it to have such a tight grip. It's OK to leave dirty dishes in the sink, ask my husband for help when needed, say no to “plate adders”, write several "drafts" before I get it right, and binge watch my favorite episodes of Schitt's Creek for the second, or maybe third time.
In very close relation to my control freakism, I’m also a recovering perfectionist who has to work at this every single day. I have a certain way that I believe things should play out every day and when the unexpected happens, I have a hard time coping in healthy ways. I mean, I LOVE vision boarding and planning my future, crushing goals and making dreams come true. I believe that most anything is possible with the right amount of courage, enthusiasm, drive and knowledge! This type of thinking and drive I posses is such a great thing for me but there’s a fine line that I sometimes tread between living a good life and striving too hard for a perfect one. Life is Good(Thank you Bert and John Jacobs for your coined term and spread) and Life is also really freaking HARD! I am truly blessed and I practice gratitude daily for all the good I have in my life. That being said, I can acknowledge that life is hard; parenting is an Olympic event, marriage is not for sissies, families are demanding, friendships are worth investing in, and managing all that and a full-time job(which most of us do today in order to afford life) certainly takes an amazing amount of superpowers!
Imagine that you're taking a four hour trip to visit your family and it just so happens that you're driving directing into a zero visibility snow storm, causing you to white knuckle the steering wheel the entire way. By the time you get to your destination, your head hurts, your entire body is exhausted, your brain feels like it's been squeezed, your eyes are bloodshot, and the thought of even carrying on a conversation feels like the kind of job that is on the very bottom of the to-do list. Life is too precious, time with our family is too valuable, and being truly present in our conversations is far to worth it to have such a tight grip. It's OK to leave dirty dishes in the sink, ask my husband for help when needed, say no to “plate adders”, write several "drafts" before I get it right, and binge watch my favorite episodes of Schitt's Creek for the second, or maybe third time.
Comments
Post a Comment